Tease Play

…so here are a few pictures that caught my eye. Click on any for the whole set.

As you will no doubt be aware, it is currently winter in the Northern Hemisphere. Here at Chez Tease, it’s been a particularly long and cold one. We’ve been buried in snow, over and over again. But I’m really enjoying this winter. You see last fall, we installed an outdoor sauna, and I’ve spent many happy hours sweating it out there. And alternating between rolling around naked in the snow, and sweating naked in the sauna is great fun, particularly when there’s alcohol and naked women involved.

These aren’t models or porn stars; just friends, neighbours, and wives and girlfriends of friends. You get the idea. After a few months of winter, most Canadians are pretty happy about trying out the sauna, and if the rule is “no clothes in the sauna” the majority are open-minded enough to go with the flow. All it takes is a little alcohol to lower the inhibitions, and we’re away on what should be, but sadly isn’t, an excellent sexual adventure.

Despite the nakedness, it’s not terribly sexy. It’s liberating and empowering and fun, but just too hot (and the snow too cold) and too utilitarian to get anyone excited. My friends and neighbours’ wives are generally past the age where they turn heads, and have progressed to the point where they do crazy things - like getting naked in their neighbour’s saunas - to try to turn heads. I have never shared a shower with my parents, but I imagine that if I had, this is what it woul d be like.

But. If I had a son (which I don’t) and if he was in his teenaged years, and if he had a girlfriend, and he successfully pursuaded her to get naked in the sauna with him, I imagine that that would be about the sexiest moment of both of their lives. Ah, son, how glad I am that the moral ambiguity of my having sexual fantasies on your behalf is rendered innocent by the fact of your non-birth.

“Intimate Porn?” I hear you splutter, “What other kind is there?”

Well, yes, I suppose that average young lady, if asked, would (for example) consider a picture which  managed to include her breast, labia and anus, all in the same frame, to be at least somewhat intimate. (To include an actual picture of that would be un-necessary, indulgent, and obscene. So here it is.)

But to me this picture is not very intimate at all. In fact it’s rather anonymous and surgical. I suppose if I had forgotten what female genetalia looked like, I might find it helpful, in the manner of a diagramatic aid. But sexy? Not so much. I prefer the targets of my sexual fantasies to be living, breathing, and equipped with heads and faces.

Maybe I’m just getting old, but I’m bored of body parts. I want to be shown something beyond “spread your legs and smile at the camera.” I want intelligent models and creative photographers to show me something extra.

Have you ever had sex? With an actual woman? I have. More than once, if you can believe it. The actual sex is a lot of fun, and I highly recommend it, but there’s a moment afterwards which is rarely remarked on and yet quite special. It’s the moment, perhaps the next morning, when you’re both sexually spent, both happy, and you have to get on with your day. You’re both still naked, of course, but without the slightest hint of shyness. Perhaps you lie there on the bed, watching your lover shamelessly dress in front of you, cheerfully and innocently opening her legs to pull her socks on. I know this doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a very nice feeling.

Right now I’m enamoured with some photographers who try to capture that feeling, and similar moments of intimacy, in pornography. This is really the kind of area where porn meets art. These pictures are hardly explicit, but the implied sex is smoking hot. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to show you some examples.

These pictures are a little like listening to classical music, or appreciating fine art. To get the most out of them, you need to engage your brain. Construct a scenario in your head that explains why you’re here with this girl, and why she’s doing what she’s doing.

I regret making the joke about not tolerating underarm hair. I actually couldn’t care less. I’m certainly more used to women who shave there, but if anyone thinks either I or the average guy would refuse an otherwise attractive young lady because she didn’t shave her underarms, they’re quite wrong.

 As far as pubic hair and oral sex is concerned; I think this is probably a complaint of those who have not actually had the opportunity to try it. It’s a non-issue. Sure, you might have to spit out a hair once in a while. What’s the big deal? You want her to swallow your load when the tables are turned, don’t you? Surely dealing with the occasional hair in your teeth is a small price to pay.

I have a theory about men’s pubic hair preferences. I think that a young man’s first exposure to naked womanhood in a sexual context sets his subconcious expectations for what a woman should be like - and defines what he will find most attractive for the rest of his life.

I well remember as a very young man - perhaps around eleven or twelve years old - having a great attraction to and fascination with the pubic area of the various fertile young ladies around me, but, never having seen them naked, my understanding of the anatomy was a little erroneous.

Men have always tended to jump to conclusions on anatomical matters. For more than a thousand years, our main understanding of how the human body was put together came from an ancient anatomist called Galen. His collection of drawings of the skeleton, organs, circulatory system, and so on, were widely copied, much studied, and relied upon almost exclusively for 1500 years. Unfortunately, owing to the fact that Galen had based them entirely on his dissection of dogs, and more or less extrapolated from there when drawing humans, they weren’t exactly accurate.

Similarly my understanding of the female anatomy was based on an entirely logical thought process; but nevertheless it was quite wrong. For example, I was quite certain that the vagina was a vertical slit on the front of the woman’s body, just below the stomach - an arrangement which is so clearly superior to the actual design that I hardly need explain.

In any case, my education in the true nature of the female fun parts came in the form of a collection of old Penthouse magazines someone else had left in an abandoned treehouse near my home. What a revelation! But more than simply supplying the anatomical details, these magazines - from the early 80s - set me up with an indelible image of what young, sexy, confident womanhood looked like. There was a model women in my head; a girl to aspire to. She was smiling. She was spreading herself open for me to see. She had small, natural breasts. And she was hairy.

 Now as is the normal way of things, it wasn’t too long before I was gaining some practical experience of these matters with girls my own age in the innocent sexual play of curious young teenagers. I quickly learned that sexiness comes in many shapes and sizes, as well as in many haircuts.

But still, there’s a part of me that likes hair. The wilder, the longer, and the denser, the better. It signals womanhood to me; I like the feel of it and the smell of it. It is animal, and crude, and a little bit dirty. It is real in almost exactly the same way that the Barbie version of womanhood, all pink plastic, baby-smooth skin, and silicon implants, isn’t. There are a thousand reasons to love it.

 But honestly, I think the real reason is that the first time I gazed on the female sex, it looked more like this…

…than like this…

As a culture we are in deep denial about our animal nature. We are intensely sexual beings, but we are at war with our sexual nature. Rejection of body hair is a rejection of the animal nature of our sexuality, and an attempt to replace it with something clean, safe, and domestic. If we can think of a way to deal with the smell of our sexual fluids and the wet patch they leave on the bed, we surely will, for the same reason. We like orgasms; but we don’t really want to have sex. Really we want to play sex with Barbie in a bizarre caricature of female sexuality; huge breasts, and no pubes.

Me, I’m comfortable with real women, with real boobs and real hair. But I have to admit I’m drawing the line at underarm hair…

So here are a few more Met-Art girls who caught my eye. You can click on any of them to see the full set.

I don’t find porn movies generally very sexy. I find hardcore porn movies the least sexy of all.

 ”But how can that be,” I hear some of you ask, “when hardcore shows nothing but explicit sex? What could be sexier than that?”.

That is indeed the crux of the issue; sex per se isn’t all that sexy. To be truly erotic, the brain must be involved.

If hardcore did show more than just explicit sex, it would be sexier. If it presented characters we cared about, portrayed by skillful actors, it would be sexier. If it followed a discernible storyline, and gradually built up the erotic tension to an explicit conclusion; then it would be sexier.

Instead, hardcore offers poor production values, bad acting, a non-existent plot, laughably fake orgasm noises, and interminably repetitive scenes of penises sliding into vaginas and assorted other orifices. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do rather enjoy seeing penises going into vaginas, but I get bored of it very quickly, and I don’t find it terribly sexy on its own. If I’m suitably aroused, watching a nicely shaped girl being fucked can definitely get me off. But on its own, it’s just a badly produced biology documentary.

On the other hand, mainstream movies usually offer the things I do find sexy. They have far more beautiful women. They are better shot and better edited. They have plots which make me care about the characters, and actors who make it believable. They are often highly erotic and highly sexualized. The only thing they don’t generally have is any actual explitic sex shots. Despite this, they are often sexier than hardcore.

Mainstream movies have more beautiful women

I don’t need to work very hard to illustrate this point. Here are just a few mainstream actresses. All of them have appeared in nude and sex scenes. (You can click on any of the pictures to see some stills from their nude movie scenes.)

Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it’s very possible that you disagree with me; but I think these women are extremely hot and generally very sexy in appearance. I have never seen women in a porn movie who are so inherently attractive - even clothed - as these.  

Mainstream movies are better made

A typical porn movie is shot on a single handheld prosumer video camera - something like this is a common choice. It does a pretty good job for a camcorder, but ultimately it’s a camcorder. There’s usually not a lot of attention paid to lighting, or to set decoration, or to color correction, or post-production generally. The result is a product that generally looks worse than real life.

Mainstream movies on the other hand, even low-budget ones, tend to be shot using equipment like this which will typically cost more to rent, per day, than the above camcorder costs to buy. Generally these movies are made by people who know what they’re doing. They have been to film school to learn composition, lighting and post-production. The result is that mainstream movies generally look better than real life.

Film school students learn more than the mere mechanics of operating cameras and light of course; they also learn how to assemble a narrative and emotionally involve the viewer through good editing. So you care more than you would in real life; and if they decide that a particular scene should be erotic and arousing, the result is sexier than it would be in real life.

Mainstream movies make us care more

When you’re watching a porn movie, there’s no moment when you forget that you’re watching a porn movie. You never find yourself lost in the world of the movie. You never feel as the characters feel; you never care about what they care about; you never believe in what they’re doing.

Mainstream movies, on the other hand, thrive on this kind of thing. Every mainstream director wants to make you forget who you are, and let you escape from your reality for a little while.

Let’s imagine that two movies are to address the subject of a young man who has his first sexual encounter at college. Here’s the porn version.

Guy is in empty room doing nothing. Door knocks. Girl comes in.

Girl: hi, I just moved in across the hall. Want to fuck?

Guy: I’ve never done it before

 Girl: That’s OK

They fuck

Girl2 stands watching them from open door as they fuck.

Girl2: Can I join in?

Guy: Yes

Girl: Yes

Girl2 sucks guy, girl fucks girl2, then guy fucks girl and girl2 at same time. Facial cumshot.

The End.

Now I’m sure you found that as sexy as I did. Let’s briefly outline what the mainstream version might look like.

* Scene where they first meet in the corridor. Guy is jock, football player, strong and tough but tender inside. Girl is slender, tanned, respectably dressed but showing her figure. Lighting and depth of field is used to make us see her as he sees her - radiantly beautiful, the center of the universe. Guy tries to make small talk, makes fool of himself, offends her. She walks off in disgust.

* Scene where we see him in class, watching her discreetly as she smiles and laughs with her friends. She yawns and stretches, pushing her breasts forward. We see him look hungrily. She turns and catches his eye, then frowns at him.

* Scene where he is hanging out with his friends and we learn that he is a virgin. They tease him about it and offer to set him up with a girl who is known to be ‘easy’. He shakes his head; he only wants Girl.

* Scene where they are forced together for an assignment. She is cold, haughty towards him. We see her leaving with her boyfriend.

* Scene where she misses an appointment to work on the assignment, and he goes to her room, to find her crying on the floor, clothes torn, hair messed up, face bruised, one breast exposed. She is made to look vulnerable and beautiful. We learn her boyfriend is abusing her. Guy is incensed. With the help of his friends, tells Girl’s now-ex boyfriend to stay away from her, threatens him.

* Scene where Girl and Guy become friends and begin to learn about each other.

* Montage - their friendship becomes stronger as they work on their assignment over the weeks. We use editing to show that he is in love with her, but keeping it secret. Towards the end of the montage we show that she too is attracted to him.

* Scene where she comes to find him in his room, but he is in the shower. Quietly, without him knowing, she watches him shower through the glass, taking in the blurred shape of his body. She puts her hand inside her pants and discreetly touches herself. We see her breathing shorten, and her face flushes. She leaves before he comes out of the shower.

* Scene where they find their joint assignment was the best in the class. He asks her on a date, and she says yes. They kiss.

* Scene where they go out for dinner. She is dressed beautifully, with perfect hair and makeup. They both get tipsy drinking wine. We see him looking at her cleavage as she leans towards him, looking up at him and smiling.

* Scene where they go back to her room, and finally start to make out, intensely. Girl opens her shirt. We see Guy touching her breasts, sucking her nipples. She begins to put her hand inside his underwear. He gasps. She moves her hand. He moans and shivers - he has ejaculated in her hands. She pulls her hand out, looking at it in suprise. “I’m sorry” he says. “I’m sorry, I’ve never done this before.” He is ashamed. She hugs him tightly, nipples pushing against his chest. He pulls himself away, and goes to his room.

* Scene the next day, when she comes to his room wearing a raincoat. She wakes him up. He is embarassed to see her. “Take your clothes off,” she tells him, giggling. She opens the raincoat to reveal she is completely naked inside it. We see her full frontal for a few moments as she takes off the raincoat completely. She climbs on top of him where he lies on the bed and kisses him hard. “Come on,” she urges, smiling, “I want to be your first.” She drags him to the shower, undressing him as they go. They laugh together.

* We see them both naked in the shower, cuddling as they soap each other and touch. “You have to do exactly what I tell you”, she says. She makes him touch her pussy. We don’t see him doing this, but we see the effect on her, as she moans and flushes at his touch. Then she pushes his head down between her legs and makes her lick her. We see her face in orgasm as the shower water crashes over them both. “Now,” she says, still gasping. She pulls him up and wraps herself around him, her buttocks pressed against him. We see his face as he enters her, hear them both breathing hard and thrusting until he moans loudly and shudders. They hold each other tightly for a while as they recover their breath.

* The scene where the ex-boyfriend returns, mad with jealousy and spoiling for a fight….

Obviously that was a little longer. But I sure hope you found it a lot sexier. Even just from these brief notes on the plot, we care about the characters, we identify with them, and we see that this is (at least nearly) a believable scenario.

Conclusion

Whatever a mainstream movie chooses to be, it tends to be very much. If it is a horror, it tends to be very horrific. If it is a comedy, it tends to be very funny. If it has sex in its storyline, it tends to be very sexy indeed. Beautiful actresses and talented, artistic film makers combine with involving plots to make mainstream moviemaking the source of some of the best and truest erotica around. That’s why on the average lonely Friday night, my choice of viewing is likely to be some well-made Hollywood movie with a great nude scene, rather than Busty College Girls Three.

I do very much enjoy my work sometimes. Saturday’s job was to photograph Zoe here for a computer game. Since the pictures are for an in-development adult computer game, and not for general web consumption, I can’t post any that are too identifying. Still you can see she’s a very nicely put together young lady.

I have received a few suggestions for sites which do offer well-made hardcore, in response to my previous blog entry on the topic. I’m particularly interested in 12sextury.com - not because it’s so good, but rather because they own site echos some of the complaints I made. They claim to have great sets, photography, costume etc; and they may well have, but to be honest I can’t see any evidence from the free preview material on their sites that they’re any different from the regular run-of-the-mill cheap crappy hardcore sites.

 (Of course I do realise that the member-only content might be much better; but personally I wouldn’t subscribe based on what I can see as a non-member.)

 If you’re interested in making your own judgement, these are some of their sites:

 http://pixandvideo.com/

http://www.clubsandy.com/

(These are no affiliate links as I can’t endorse their content)

I guess what I’m looking for could be described as “artistic hardcore.” Please, if you know of any websites which fall into that category, leave a comment below with your suggestion. I might agree or disagree, but I’m interested in your suggestions either way.